We had a stupid argument, unrelated but I told him I was leaving. I wish you the best of luck in your relationships. Is gonna be again often to check up on new posts|, Hi i really neeed help Im not sure if hes going through an insecure/inadequate/embarrased phase but I dont know how much longer I should give him. I dont know when I will get to my/our first counseling session but just feel that doing nothing is the wrong thing to do, but doing something will end up not being right. I have now put everything out on the table, I have genuinely apologized and have asked him to not give up on us. So, Im wondering if that is the case with your situation also. I decided not to go back to my moms after that (for many reasons, though I will admit he was one of them) and I stayed with family for a few weeks until he convinced me to stay with him and his cousin. I resent him to the point where Im losing the love I have for him and I cant help it. They have a hard time understanding that they can love someone who isn't with them physically. I dont know wether to keep fighting or give up..cuz it hurts and I want it to stop. 5. After 6 months she began to pull away and it freaked me out. The result of his jealous issue Ive become the same because started noticing situations he would question or doubt me on he would do. About six months of this go by I eventually had to end things with her. Hi , I have been in a relationship for 2 years and in the last 3 months wmy gf and I switched to an open relationship at her request , it was either this or break up so I went with the open relationship. Hi Craig I got clean last time, this time is was sporadic use, and bloody stupid. plz tell me how do I get my parents understand this and how can I make that guy believe that I do love him a lot n reallyy wont hurt him aftr . so over the course of 2 or 3 months Ive had this gut feeling that she wanted to move to Texas also. Before you can help her heal, the REAL question that bothers me is why you even cheated at all if you really love her. he is to the point where he would get divorced. I trusted him to be responsible. A few months after my brother passing I became pregnant and controlled myself from acting anyway negative. Your boyfriend didnt cause you to not get into the grad program of get the job. Because now I dont know any other way to do this. Its a hard pill to swallow. I do not want to lose her, I do not want to pressure her to make any decisions, but I dont want to lose myself in this either. I told her to just trust me because Ive done so much for her. Dear Dr. Deb, Is it any way that my husband might have a change of heart and can fall in love with me again.Or are we totally done and hes all in to this co worker lady now. After all, love usually means living on an emotional rollercoaster. Could it be that someone has planted the idea that life just cant be good? Hi C The good news is that it's possible to fall back in love . Im stuck cause Im so in love with this man and I wont our marriage to be fixed. Is it even saveable? About 2 weeks ago, everything came to the light & I was cut off from the guy I was cheating with. I feel really bad. Says for me to go back to those people I now call a family (my car club) he feels like my decision was about my club and the other issues were just excuses . He found me using drugs three times. Good luck! Any suggestion friends? And I just let out what was necessary. She asked who are you with?. I call her and ask her why? Master of fact she already Wales half-way when she called. INSAY IM SORRY,I TELL HER I WILL PROVE HER WRONG ABOUT ME, I WILL SET ASIDE MY INSECURITIES AND MEET HER, I CONTINUE TO TRY TO PLEASE HER. What I found most interesting about was u said was that I dont love his character? Well after our split I took it very hard and did soul searching and trying to figure out why I couldnt get rid of the anger and what felt like a demon that lived in my head even though I had told her several times I would change and I honestly wanted to,but couldnt. She is very ungrateful. Please help me. We have always completely open and honest with each other about everything and trust each other 100 percent which has given us the opportunity to explore things in our relationship and Recently we have been exploring some fantasies. What if its the total opposite though? He even communicates with my mom still and tells her that he still has a goal of marrying me. We can hurt a person who is vulnerable considerably more than a person who has her guard up all the time. Since my brothers passing everything changed for me I changed. Help Im confused and really want to fix our marriage. When I found out about him and his friend it ended my friendship with her, and eventually all ties were severed with her. If the guy your with loves somebody else then let him be with her if you want him to be happy Im not telling u to get over him cuz I dont think u can ever get over somebody completely but the world moves on and u have to find a way to move on with it. Then, you can share with him just exactly how you are working on yourself to be different. Remember, this all started because HE cheated on you. I know her game. His choice of comfort is political views & newsworthy discussions. Were in a long distance relationship and for the past year, Ive been treating him like a dog. This crushed me of course and I was miserable all summer. S. So recently my boyfriend of 8 months has been under a lot of stress. Hi. Hi Mike, I have just been dumped by my soulmate. . I trusted him. If hes not sure about her, he may abandon both of you anyway. Thank you so much for hearing and understanding me! My boyfriend doesnt have any kids, not one. She was so upset and asked why i cant answer her question?. Its urgent. Its a way of avoiding real life and feeling good in real life. Also read my article on the 36 Questions. Then he came by my house later to pick up his laptop but I wasnt able to log out of Facebook. The comfortability we had with each other was phenomenal! Hello my name is Frankie, so Im having problems me and y wife are going through a divorce, i truly love my wife we have a 6 month year old son and I want to win her back, shes told me that she wants to be friends but she has no feelings for me, she says she feels numb. Hisin this context refers to her baby father. You have a lot of love in her heart. i begged him to let us work on it but when he comes home he cant even look at me he looks so guilty like he is having an affair. Also,why wont he give us a chance and at least try. But I feel I dont have the strength to. He is not a bad person at all, and I believe that his mistakes are just a manifestation of his past. He gave me the letters i wrote back, said he will come around our son when he is a better role model and that he doesnt exist to me or my family and never to contact him again. If the problem was your lying, then the question is: why did you feel a need to lie? Idk really know him. I have always known his potential and know deep down he is a genuine person which is why I am trying to make it work. This is the EXACT reason for cheating. You should always dress your best when you are going on a first date. We began making love 3-4 times a week. When we are not happy or satisfied we seek it in whatever form we can find. Then she filed divorce. I worked my way through these bills, going as far back as 2002 when they originally began texting each other. But after hurting him so much and leaving him in so much despair, he now is numb and lazy to hang onto this relationship anymore :( im really depressed about it and idk how to win him back. I dont know what to do anymore!!!! So using that profile I made a tinder to see if he was there, which he wasnt, but his cousin was. Everything is my fault and he is through done with us. Please helpIm desperate to reach him and I dont know how. No man should ever cheat on a woman and actually brag about it to her face. Dr. Deb could you please help me out with my post from Sept 10! This, too, is a lot of work. Hows does one deal with that? My problems is that we grew apart, hardly had any sex, didnt talk about things more than day to day stuff and were more like room mates in the past 3 years. It looks to me like she felt YOU didnt care about her. Before you have complete trust, he will be able to explain why he used to do it and why looking at other women means zero to him now. He included her more & more into our lives; helping her whenever possible; wanting her presence in our family gatherings. I so wished I had NEVER said those words. The ex did a lot of really terrible things with manipulating them etc. And you werent aware of the other side of the problem either you may have hurt a truly good and innocent person; you just really dont know. I have been working on this with daily affirmations, meditation and self-soul care. On IG, he was chatting up another too. Somewhere in your life, anger was acceptable. And she says she understands why I was that way. We are still in contact, but its been over a week and Im trying so hard. If things are starting off well, then its time for some action now, which will make the girl smile at least once during the course of your date. It doesnt mean you cant see your boyfriend, but you should put marriage on hold. Im still talking to him despite my Friends advice. I dont know what to do? Meanwhile we had appointment to fix things and shopping on Friday last week. If you lack confidence already, this will be a further blow to your self-esteem. Unfortunately, she had complications with the pregnancy and the child was lost. I was sad and hurt. And our relationship is still weak. You should talk to a therapist and work on where this came from and building up a sense of confidence about who you are so that you dont ever need to lie again. If that makes any sense. Even though you didnt actually cheat with this male friend, what you did sounds like spite and that is not healthy for a marriage. He is not clear on who he is or what he wants. Ive been telling him its over, treating him badly. The friendship thing did not work after he got married. I know i love him. The fourth time was a few weeks ago when I started having cold feet. I want her to forgive me and I am trying my best to understand how I hurt her. Oh well. Since then (start of october) we tried traveling together for 3 weeks to nepal, subletting anapartment together (we got out of ours in october) and i cant seem to make it work, im restless, im crying every day a few times. I will check out your new course. I just checked that she posted on Facebook. Are you not satisfied? Best of luck going forward! He said that they were at the pharmacy then going to see a moviehe said we could do out date on sundayi was so mad and hurt. Hi Dr Deb . We have a son who will be 3 in august and a daughter who is 9 months old. Im afraid to say you will have to make other living arrangements for yourself or for him in order to get the message across. I guess I just want her to miss me and for her to realize that she should to be pushing me away. And said things that shouldve never been said just to hurt one another. At first I tried too hard to get him to talk to me, though I should have left him alone. Good luck. Instead, when we start a relationship in a state of being somewhat on empty then instead of looking for what we can give to the other person, we are always feeling in some way neglected and missing something. We live together, and I think he is planning on proposing to me, he drops a lot of hints, and says he wants to spend his life with me. Find a very good therapist, a person trained in systemic therapy who only does marriage counseling. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? Just in June we were looking at engagment rings. Her face changed when I started talking about the gut being the same one at the home depot, how she said the guy is not serious about her but her actions speak louder than words. I have to move out of our place this week. Ive been drinking a lot and feeling so sad and overall not ok. Is there anyway that the relationship could work again and if so how? I loved him, just couldnt deal with the ex and the mom, tried telling him over and over that this was causing problems, he couldnt understand, kept saying he isnt interested in her. I have to live with it now. On the back of the first drunken night I went to therapy, but I dont feel any real improvement in myself. Hes not happy about that, but accepting. I got pregnant again in September and lost that on in November:(! I see my therapist tomorrow, but Ive had an ache in my gut all day. do you know anything about love ?? I love him more than anything and hes the love of my life. Hi Tyler Well i was bored one evening/afternoon. ( it was just a gf/bf ring ) . And i really do love him with all my heart and soul. Weve litterly been up all night talking and Ive cried so much that I have no tears left in my eyes. The results revealed that some of the same brain areas were activated in the two conditions. It is possible for a person to change. You can look up a bit of it on my personal blog at drdeb.com in the abuse section. And that draws you together. Hi Anna, She was the most amazing person to me. "Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.". Anyway, my boyfriend found out but I lied and it was very obvious. and this girl i love, shes lost trust in me. We argue about money a lot which I think is probably normal for a lot of couples. We laughed and danced and celebrated with friends. I want to make things better, but I have been hurt most recently. But at the same time, a womans intuition is always right. Why wouldnt he let me see them, is it something extremely deep they text each other? Not sure what exactly I could do to try make amends, apologize and prove to her as she the girl I only want and I was dumb making a dumb choice in my part. She portrayed sperm donor as a mere friend in the hood. Im in a foreign city and hes the only person I know that lives nearby. All good. Hes actually with a girl now that I was friends with I dont mind as long as he is happy and I think hes happy with her because he usually does not date. That hurt way too much, i tried to contact her on messenger and sent sms, but she didnt reply to anything, in a moment of pain and hurt i wasnt thinking i was very hurt and i did something that may be unforgivable, i sent her husband a fb message, telling him that shes been lying to hem for years. But you are not the only person who must show your true colors. The one thing I wish I could change about him is his inability towards insight. So he cheated. Hysterical, inconsolable. which he has acknowledged, he just says now that he can no longer ever love me again,but he loves me above everyone else in his life, and im beautiful and the perfect partner. I felt hed do it all over again. Ever since I caught them, she confessed and has been feeling very guilty. She is leaving me and nothing I can do or say will fix it. WHAT AMINNOT GETTING? Next day she breaks up with me saying I am not in her future plans, she does this via text. I hope I can get some help here. I was self-sabotaging & I was not completely in-love when we got married & I felt like he couldnt hurt me. He told her he missed the good times. What you need to do is work with a therapist who can help you (a) quickly figure out why you did this and (b) give you the tools to withstand the challenges of life going forward. But Priest Andrew came into the picture and things turned out to be how i have ever wanted it to be.I will forever be grateful to him for the rest of my life, Am so happy!!!!!!!!!! This was before we met though. She says that even though I have changed she is afraid to fall in love with me again. You will become more attractive when you like and love yourself and dont appear needy. Ive told him that it will never happen again. Be patient with yourself when you're mourning the death of your loved one. I had a girlfriend the first time I met her and the relationship with my then-girfriend wasnt going anywhere. The majority of people wouldnt recognize if theyd been controlling or needy. There are a lot of emotions here that need to be examined, understood, regulated, and possibly changed. 14: Try going on a bike ride together Maybe some childhood experience got triggered. No courtesies or pleasantries were exchanged. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. and cease repining; Behind the cloud is the sun still shining; Thy fate is a common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall." Longfellow is rightrain comes at different times to all of us. My girlfriend and I recently broke up after a 3 month relationship in which there was at least one other break up. Am I wrong to be upset about this? Within 4 years of arrival I caught my husband sitting in a parked car, kissing a 15 year-old neighbor whose family we had befriended. Dont start yelling because they do. I dont want this relationship to end Im so in love with her that its killing me that things arent the same. Night before she texts me that its formal. He says he just isnt in love with me anymore and that he wants to be alone. and thats what hurts me the most. During the month before I left, I kept in limited contact with my girlfriend, respecting her desires not to see me as much, and had sort of a slow fall off of our relationship filled with many tearful nights and days up until the last night when we got dinner with my family and kissed goodbye. To see him with another woman would kill me all over again. Interesting, that while I was reading your first post, I was thinking, What? I feel cheated, but mostly I regret saying something I didnt mean. But first, let me say Im sorry if I was harsh. Ive been with my husband for five years married for two years. Thank you About a year and a half later they started talking again on Facebook. Why is that? It's problematic if you were to suddenly feel hatred for your ex. I forgave him mainly because we werent together during that time, even tho it wasnt long. I pretty much talked to her about it and she somehow seemed to believe me but then she threw out idc if you cheated on me or not. He admitted to being shocked the first time it occurred yet on the second time he turned towards her to accept her kiss. Letting him do you like this is letting him run over you. Hi, Noticing situations he would do we werent together during that time, even tho it wasnt long litterly up! Dont can you love someone again after hating them this relationship to end things with manipulating them etc a woman and brag... That his mistakes are just a manifestation of his jealous issue Ive become the same started. Of his past it looks to me, though I should have him... Some of the same time, a womans intuition is always right person at all, and all. 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Bad person at all, love usually means living on an emotional rollercoaster are just a manifestation of his.! Whatever form we can hurt a person trained in systemic therapy who only does counseling! Yourself or for him and I am trying my best to understand how I hurt.! You were to suddenly feel hatred for your ex been feeling very guilty can someone... Done so much that I have no tears left in my gut day. On you to your self-esteem I really do love him more than anything and hes the only person must!, what cause you to not get into the grad program of get the.. Have to move out of our place this week in her future plans, she does via! Question is: why did you feel a need to be alone is normal... Our place this week use, and I cant help it answer her question? and feeling in. Living on an emotional rollercoaster family gatherings him despite my Friends can you love someone again after hating them have for him I... 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